It's Spring! We're all going to die!

Again, I find the urges to draw and play games increases exponentially as finals approach.

WHY. WHYYYYY.




I'm currently obsessed with Tales of the Abyss. Doodles of the characters take up, what, half of my current sketchbook? I thought the obsession would die down after I finished playing the game, but then I couldn't stop and we started the second playthrough. It's not going to end! And I'm loving it! For the first time, I actually want to be part of some fandom! And then ... I find that the time has passed, the game's was released too long ago, the craze has already died down.

Well, the communities are still alive, but more in a ... dragging its feet along in a "smattering of posts every month or three" kind of way. I'm really curious: does anyone know any communities that are more active?

I am too used to putting you first. You are too used to me putting you first. So when I finally reach my breaking point, when I need someone to be there for me, you don't recognize how much I'm hurting and how badly I need the support.

When I need someone to lean on, when I need someone to help me, I really don't need someone to tell me that I "need to learn to live with myself." You can't help me. You're not willing to. You don't care to, because you're stressed as well, and because you've not in the mood to humor my "childish sensibilities".

You hurt me. And, what's more, I know it's pointless to expect any sort of apology. You'd spout some crap about how "you're not going to apologize because you didn't do anything wrong". And I know this. And I hate that response. And you know that. But you still give it.

I know better now.

Or, at the very least, I should know better.

After all, you've always been there to push me back down when I needed you the most. Pushed me down, made me apologize for not being considerate when I decided to interrupt your life with my begging. I forgot. My bad.

Sorry.

I can feel the pressure building behind my eyes. I need sleep.

But I still have work to finish and class to go to.

One thing I've never understood was why someone would want to bother with wizarding photographs, as per J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series. While it sure is a novelty to have the people in said photographs move around, it really doesn't capture the moment of the shooting that a "muggle" photograph can capture. It's not ... an art anymore.

Anyway. Found a new style that I like using in photoshop ... trying to use it on the entire piece is kind of hard, though, since I keep slipping back to my own typical style. Booooo so hard. I'm kind of afraid that I won't finish it.



( Not like I've been posting art for a while, but there really isn't anything good to post.... )

So yes, can't wait for some things to happen, irl. In the mean time, I'm just going to nurse the gaping hole in mouth and celebrate having NO MORE WISDOM TEETH. XD!

Been a long time, flist! I keep forgetting about LJ; DA pretty much owns my life now.

So... Dad gave the OK for getting a PS2. YEY! FINALLY! *3* So, compiling the list of games to play (in alphabetical order, no less! X3):

Final Fantasy XII
Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts 2 (if the original is any good...?)
Magnacarta
Tales of the Abyss
Valkyrie Profile 2: Silmeria (maybe; played part of this before, was intrigued, but not completely hooked)

Any other suggestions? The only games I'm really into are the RPGs, but if you know of a game that ain't too hard to play (>__>) and has a good plot.... 8D See, plot.... plot is good.

Sadly, I don't have anything else to update with.

So, the other day, Christine and I were chatting in our math class in chinese... because, we're talking about personal stuff, and we don't really want other people to know what we're saying. Christine's stuff accidently hits the guy sitting next to her, so, because she's a good girl, she apologizes. The guy goes "Mei guan shi". Christine and I freeze, exchange a glance, then ask the guy "... you know chinese?" Which he obviously does. So Christine asks, "Have we said anything really embarassing before? Like, 'juh kuh tai wo liao laaah'?" Kid thinks a bit... then says "yea." XD

AND THAT PROMISE I MADE TO MYSELF WHEN I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL? That I would become more outgoing? I ACTUALLY TALKED TO SOMEBODY FROM MY PHYSICS CLASS AFTER CLASS. AND NOT ABOUT PHYSICS. </totalnerd>

Back to work.

EDIT: Right, just now, during lunch, Dave said something, and I remember turning to christine and saying "I'M BLOGGING THIS", but damned if I remember what it was. >>'

EDIT2: Remembered when I was walking back from class. w00t! XD; So, last night, Dave and I went to a chem extra study session thing, and, when we were walking back, we decided to "write" things in the snow -- jump as far as you can out into the snow (LEAVE NO TRACKS!), the whole shuffling steps thing to write out a word, then jumping away again to make it seem like no one walked there to write the snow.... So wrote "HI!" (I did the I!, he did the H). Since I don't have class in that area, Dave told me, today, that someone else was inspired by our shuffling step spelling, and wrote "PWNT" in the snow, too. And that some other genius wrote a gigantic "BUTTSECKS" across the lawn. GIGANTIC. As in. Have to keep walking to read what the whole thing says. BUTTSECKS. WTF. WUT. DAVE AND I INSPIRED BUTTSECKS.

I think that, every year, I deliberately post about my birthday after the fact (or not at all). I even wonder, on my birthday, if I should post about it at all, because it's kind of like I'm obligating the people who read my entry to congratulate me for it. But it's not an obligation, it really isn't. Besides, if it were, then each individual congrats that I get will mean that much less.

At any rate, it's just one day out of 365. I feel no different from a month ago, so ... Eeeh. It really doesn't matter too much to me, and it honestly never really has.

HOWEVER.

My friends are so amazing. The cake decorating was so fun... and I still can't believe you guys let me write "WTF" all over the cake. My roommates are so amazing. That huge card you guys had, the ice cream cake, and decorating my bed? Jess letting things slip before Victoria got back... Hahahaa. XD My sister is so amazing. Spending the entire day with you, going 'round doing stuff together... and staying hours and hours in Barnes and Nobles. 'Tis a shame we can't do that more often. Mom called... multiple times, passing messages from my dad, since he couldn't get hold of us, and also spazzing because the house still isn't clean and omfg she's going to leave and crap, we're all alone in America now, huh. Grace, I'm so sorry I just hung up on you; and we missed the bus anyway! I said I'd tell you, so... "Devil Wears Prada". I'm going to go die in a corner now. =>_<=

Thank you, guys; you pwned my soul ten times over. <3333




And, to save you from this awkward predicament that I may have put you in in, of feeling the urge to, out of common courtesy, congratulate me even after my first paragraph there: comments have been disabled. ^________^b

Ganked from bluestraggler

( 2006 Art Meme )

I'm so shallow. XD

Didn't say it yet, but: HAPPY NEW YEAR! <333

Hahaaa, made that banner. Now I don't have anything to do but. Um. Post it here. @x@;


-10 giftart/commission
-1 original
-1 collab

( onwards! )

At any rate: Have pages from sketchbook. Need to clean and upload. As well as color. Because one's a group picture that I'm thinkin' about making into a print, and the other two are commissions that I took on because some idiot unplugged the internet and I was marooned with nothing to do but work but I haven't had the time to actually finish graaagh I'm gettin' paid for it

( By the way... I LOVE SHILIN AND LENA, OMFGWTF. You guys ROCK for making En look SO deadly and cool. *w*  )

You don't even notice when you hurt someone's feelings. You just... jerked the earphone out of my ear, gave me that exasperated look, and then popped it into your own ear. What does that tell me? What am I supposed to think? You never even noticed that I'm annoyed by your whole "go downstairs to study with you oh wait, I'm going to be plugging in my earphones, and when I talk with you, it's going to be monosyllabic, or condescending, or even both." It's like.... I like studying with music, too. But I DON'T study with my own music because I went to study with YOU. But you don't even notice, and you just... could've been studying by yourself, and there really wouldn't've been a difference. Why do I even go over, anyway? I can ask Vic or Jess for help if I need it. I don't need to ask you.

You complain so much about everyone else, but you don't notice when you annoy other people. Just. Just... no.

I'm going to try doing something nice for EXPOSÉ.... I'm going to try something nice for EXPOSÉ.... I'm going to try something nice for EXPOSÉ.... I'm going to try something nice for EXPOSÉ.... I'm going to try something nice for EXPOSÉ.... I'm going to try something nice for EXPOSÉ.... I'm going to try something nice for EXPOSÉ.... (And here's some guidelines, in case anyone else is interested in submitting.)

And I am NOT going to chicken out! NOT going to chicken out! NOTNOTNOT!

Honestly, though. I don't think I've got what it takes. @@; Especially since they don't seem like ... they'd really like anime. Or my style. Or whatever. @x@ Right. And I've gotta steer back AWAY from anime style, too, because now I can't draw anything but.

Right, and I got an invite to that DA tour thing... >>!!!!!! Too bad they're having those during finals... d'oh. x_x

( Invitation )

So. I've got finals up till the 8 pm, on the 20th, and I don't think I can convince my parents to let me go to the one down in Virginia, especially since it would either be me dragging my mom (aka: the taxi-mom!) along or going by myself... probably overnight, as well, since the presentation would be at 6pm, and it takes at least 8-10 hours to get from here to virginia... and I really don't have any idea where "The Birchmere/3701 Mt. Vernon Ave./Alexandria, VA 22305" is.... *sighs* Why couldn't I just go to the one down in Maryland? ;; Could've met up with elentiriel and cougarfang. Damned finals.

Huurrrrrrr.

Jess: "whoever thought it was a good idea to make popcorn at 3am ... i'm going to tell you now, if it causes a fire alarm to go off and everyone in the building to jump out of their deep sleep to run outside in the freezing cold ... you have no more friends! and that's all there is to say 8)"

... oh GOD. I certainly didn't want to go to sleep past 3. Brain ded. Annoyed. Going back to sleep. ==

EDIT: Yes, and let's make the alarm go on and off for a while, just because it'll be funny to annoy everyone. ==

Been a while since I've last had an art dump, neh? Haven't arted in a while, so... most of the stuff is kinda old. I'll try keeping up with replying to comments, too... I know I've been slacking. ^^; Sorry!

-4 pchat/sketches
-1 gift/commission
-1 FMA (roy)
-4 coloring jobs
-3 original

( Art under cut. )

Honestly. Why would I NOT be pissed off? My sister felt so horrible yesterday that she left her dorm and spent the night with me. Because being by my side was so much more comforting than being in her own dorm. I said this last night to Woefulinfinity, but... I am really feeling the urge to yell at someone. Or, more rather, at a few certain someones. I'm afraid I'll be bitchy for a while, while I try to keep back these urges.

I can feel myself going into "bitch-queen-defensive-older-sister mode". Seriously.

And I want to make the people who ruined my sister's day PAY. I want to make them SORRY that they ever fucked with her feelings. Shit, I'm getting pissed off again. I need to go lay down and read a book or something. ==

GOD. I am SO FUCKING PISSED OFF.

1. LOTS OF CHEM HOMEWORK due friday.
2. Lab partners for Chem lab AREN'T TALKING TO ME, I have a proposal due tomorrow, AND I DON'T FUCKING KNOW HOW I'M GOING TO FINISH IT IN TIME
3. Calc midterm tonight. Can't take practice math midterm online because my SHITTY computer CAN'T FUCKING OPEN PDF FILES.
4. Bio midterm tomorrow. Semi-ready for this, but, again, I CAN'T TAKE ANY OF THE ONLINE TESTS TO SEE IF I REALLY AM GOING TO BE OK.
5. Psych midterm Friday, of which I am SCREWED for
6. Everyone seems to be ignoring me. Lab partners, roommates, friends, sister....
7. I don't have my own PNC card, because it didn't fucking come in the mail before I left for college. So, in short, I've been using Christine's money. WHICH BLOWS, BECAUSE I CAN'T DO ANYTHING WHEN SHE'S NOT FUCKING THERE.

I'm despairing. I hate this. I hate this shit. I just want to flop down on my bed and just screw college. Fuck. AND I need to do my laundry.

It's old-ish, but it's a fairly accurate description of what I'm doing. But not what I should be doing. @@ I've got two exams coming up THIS WEEK and I'm still hwunning on the internet. D8 *keels over*

OMFG, FINALLY.

I JUST GOT INTERNET TO START WORKING IN MY DORM ROOM, AND THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND IS .... "POST THIS ON LJ, BECAUSE MY LIFE IS NOW, FINALLY, COMPLETE!" TTwTT!

Blaaargh. I feel like I swallowed broken-mirror-shards. My throat just hurts. x__x All this damn rain is getting me sick, I think. Damn PSU and damn it's cold cold cold and it's rain.

On the flip side, I met with someone that actually understands what I mean when I say "ALL YOUR BASE." He's a bit arrogant, but.... he's so internet-geeky that he just makes my day.

Personally, I didn't want to go to PSU simply because Christine was going. I wanted to... "branch out and not cling to the people I know". But now that we ARE going to the same school... I'm actually relieved. I've got someone to cling to. A security blanket. I'm not completely alone, like thousands of other freshman here. I've still got something. I feel fortunate, after I read my friends' journal entries. I haven't been ripped, entirely, from home, see, because I've still got a major corner of HOME with me.

*sighs* I don't know what I'll do once we graduate college, though, and go "live out own separate lives". Because I've never been apart from her. Or, at least, not very far. And no one else that I know, or that graduated with me, has that sort of privaledge. If I miss home, I can simply trundge over to her dorm and set the rice cooker on, sit down and have a bowl of shi fan.

I don't know how you NEHSers do it.

edit: Right, and... about my laptop, I still can't get it to work. My mom brought up my desktop yesterday, so... not only do I have a computer, but I got to see mom again. X3X3 Anyhoo, I don't have internet on my computer yet, though. Still have to register it and all that crap. x__x

So much art I haven't posted publicly, that I'm NOT EVER GOING TO because they're fugly. Blegh. Trying to get back my art groove...... been working for three days in a row! *PROUD*



( Fullview under the cut! Beware, they're all huge. )

Bleeegh. I don't want to go to college yet. NOT YET. I'M NOT OLD ENOUGH YET, DAMMIT. I'm having those feelings you were having back in Taiwan, Denise; it's suddenly like... *looks around* Wait, I won't have all this stuff in another two weeks? D8